Certain Experiences

I don't know if everyone has an experience like I'm about to describe but I have recently experienced this and it totally opened my eyes and slightly freaked me out so this is just like a venting post and if anyone has had similar experience. So I had one of my ex's/friends get drunk and after that the way he acted totally scared me and completely freaked me out. I know that when people drink too much they act drunk but the way he acted was just so weird and kind of opened my eyes and made me realize how stupid and unnecessary drinking and getting drunk are. People think it's fun or cool and it maybe at the time but the affect and impact it has on people and the consequences from it are crazy.

Making your own choices

People always tell you that you are your own person and you can make decisions for yourself. What I don't understand is when you do make your own decisions or choices your friends and/or family judge what you do. They tell you there opinion and tell you what they think/want you to do. I'm fed up with dealing with everyone else's problems with my life. I'm going to do what I want to with who I want to do it with. End of story.

Living day to day

Why are some days easier than others? Why do we have days when we just want to curl up in a ball and cry? My life as a whole right now is very bi-polar. I have a good day and then 3 bad ones. Or sometimes I just have a really bad week. I'm just ready to get to a place in my life when I can have a new normal day with no problems. I'm hoping days like that will be coming soon.

College/majors

I'm getting ready to start the next part of my life. In approximately 8 months I will be graduating high school and will have to decide what I want to with the rest of my life. I had always thought since about 6th grade that I was going to be a teacher but at this point Im just sick of being in school and don't want to have to go for another 4-6 years. So plan as of now is to get in to a two year program and get my associates degree. But the really question fir me now is in what? What do want to do for the rest of my life. Will I feel accomplished just having an associates degree and working a somewhat generic job? As of now my options I'm thinking about are photography, cosmetology, realtor, or a wedding planner. How am I going to decide? Guess I'll figure it out eventually.

Disconnecting

Why is it so hard to disconnect and let go of people who have hurt you and caused you tons of pain? What is so special about this person that we just cant move on and let them go? I guess its because we still expect something to happen with them. Maybe we think they might change and the situation may work out. We know thats probably not the case but we hope so deeply that it would. This is one obstacle that I can't over come right now. Its just to complicated and I hate it.

Death

How do people deal with death? Is it something within ourselves that prepares us for it? Especially when you know it's going to happen. I personally have a hard time opening up to anyone about anything but I really hate talking about death. It brings me down into a deep sad depression and it's hard to get out of. I guess the real question is is everyone really strong enough to get through and get past the death of close loved one? I'm going through this experience watching my grandmother die slowly and it hurts every day to watch her be in pain and misery. I guess all these questions wil get answered once she is gone and I'm faced with the struggle of trying to move on.

Where would you go???

If there was no limit on money and you could go anywhere you wanted to in the world where would you go? Why would you go there? What would you want to see? What would you want to experience? I personally have two places I would love to go. The first would Paris. I want to go there because seeing the Eiffel Tower and going to all the museums and big buildings and seeing the amazing architecture would be an awesome experience. The other place would be Rome. I would love to see the Coliseum. It would be so awesome. I would also want to go and throw a coin in the Trevi Fountain. That would be an unforgettable experience?

Unsure Feelings

I don't think I can say that I have ever felt the way i'm feeling right now. I had a falling out with my absolute best friend and we kind of talked today but i'm not sure how to approach the situation. Are things going  to go back to the way they were? Does she secretly hate me and just talked to me because she felt alone? I hate not knowing whats going to happen with her. I really hate the unknown and being unsure and questioning everything.

Tattoos

I know there are lots of different opinions about tattoos and everyone's is different. Mine has changed which is surprising because I usually stick the same opinion about stuff. I really want to get a tattoo when I turn 18. I know lots of people think there meaning less but if I do get one it would have meaning, that's the only reason I would get one. If I do get one it would be on my wrist and it would somehow relate to music. Then on my other wrist I would get something with my grandmas initials because she has been in my life since I was born and i'm really close to her and in some ways she is my rock. I haven't actually decided exactly what I want yet but iv'e been looking.

Senior Year

So I start my last year of high school next week and i'm pretty excited. Part of me is ready to get this year over with because i'm ready for college and to be around people that are more mature and the other part me of isn't because I love high school and have a really good relationship with a couple of my teachers that i'm going to miss. Its just hard for me to believe that this is my last year of high school because I can remember my first day as a freshman. It sucked. I'm hoping this year will be awesome and I will be able to experience lots of new things.

Life changing Book and Movie

My brother read this book when he was a senior in high school called "Tuesdays with Morrie". He had also seen the movie and told me I had to watch it because it was awesome. So we finally sat down and watched it and it to me made me think a lot about life and a ton of different things. I also checked the book out from the library. It was amazing. I just love how the concept of the book is so simple yet it sends such a huge message. "Tuesdays with Morrie" fan right here!

We all have a place.

We all have a place that has a special meaning to us. Whether we have a special memory or had an amazing experience there and will never forget. This place gives us a feeling deep down inside that we know we will never forget about it and it will remain in our hearts forever. Wheres your place?

Friendships Ending

When your little you hope you can find one person that can be your best friend forever. I never found that in any of my friends because sooner or later they all changed. Recently I have lost one of the closest friends I have ever had. She literally new everything about me and she just changed and so did I and now we don't even speak. Its really sad to me because we were so close. I've come to realize that sometimes you just need to be alone and not have friends be your number one priority. It just sucks because now I just have to hope I can find someone that I can be as open with as I was with her. I'm sure there's someone out there. Hopefully...

Family Relationships

Through the years you go through lots of challenges and obstacles with your family. You have fights and grow apart. There are good times and bad. Personally, I find that my family is my strength in me. They are all my rock. I just don't want to grow older and grow apart from all of them. I don't want one silly fight to stop us from having a relationship for the rest of our lives. My family is everything to me and I want it to remain that forever.

Cancer Sucks

The affects that cancer has on a person is horrible. I have personally seen someone go from a happy healthy person to a depressed bed ridden vegetable. It is so sad and it happens very fast. Everyone always says they wish they could find a cure for cancer, I wish the same. But I know it wont happen in time for my grandmother. Her cancer has spread so much its ridiculous. Cancer not only the affects the person that has it but there family as well. Its so hard to see her in pain and there is nothing you can do to fix it or make her feel better. So you just try to do what ever you can for them and spend as much time with them as you can will you can. Cancer is one of the worst things in the world and I hate it.

Being Secure

Trying to be secure with yourself is an issue everyone faces at one time or another. There is always pressures to be super skinny or be gorgeous and wear lots of makeup like celebritys or models. I personally have had a very big struggle with being secure with how I look and who I am and the people I have in my life. Its very difficult to just say I love myself, this is who I am and I love myself. I would say I have struggled with this for about 6 years. I have finally come to terms with who I am and i'm just ready to live my life the way I am and do all the things I want to and how you look or how much you way shouldn't matter.It doesn't  matter what you look like, you are beautiful.

Reebok Zig Tech Shoes : /

I don't understand the new craze of these shoes. I personally think they look funny and I wouldn't wear them. Lots of people I know and go to school with love them and wear them all the time and I just don't understand whats so great about them. I have heard they are comfortable but I think you just have to have a certain look to wear them. That's just my opinion, I dislike them.

Relationships with exes post breakup

Im not sure if this is just me but I would like to break up with someone and everything go back to how things were before. Its just so awkward after you break up, neither person knows how to act or what to say. Sometimes you think it would just be easier to just ignore and stay away from each other then be in weird situations or feel uncomfortable around them. Also, dating people you were very good friends with then it not working out just sucks because then you have no relationship and you have lost your good friend. Relationships seem good at first but maybe there not worth working for.

Is "happiness" subjective?

Is everybodys definition of happiness different? What really is happiness? The definition of the actually word happiness is ridiculous because it sounds just so cheesy. To me happiness is being content with yourself and being okay with who is in your life and what you have and who you are spiritually. When you ask someone what it means though, no one ever says the same thing. I guess its just a very controversial topic.

Insidious :(

I don't think I have ever hated a movie as much as i hated this one. It could possibly be because it completely freaked me out. Usually I find scary movies funny because I know there not real but this one like got to me. It just started off really slow but the build up to the real stuff is ridiculous. I'm assuming there is going to be a sequel to it and I just really don't want to see it. But I watched this with my best friend, my brother, and my brothers best friend and they are insisting on seeing the next one if there is a next one and i'm just not into the idea.

Weird Obsession

I have this thing about myself where I love to buy tons and tons of makeup but I sleep in until like 3 in the afternoon so then I don't feel its worth it to even put it on. So that's why i'm ready for school to start because i'm going to try to wear makeup everyday. For me and I don't know if its just me but wearing makeup makes me feel better about life and about myself, even though I know it shouldn't.

Seasons?

This is a very weird entry, just a warning. I was riding in the car the other day and looking around at the trees and grass had a deep thought. Its so weird how the seasons change how the earth looks at different times of the year. Yeah, i'm weird. Anyway, it just amazes me how life changes and so does the earth and weather, so the earth has to adapt to changes in weather and we have to adapt to changes in life. So odd!

School/blahh

Being that school is starting in a little less than 3weeks I thought I would just vent a little about it. Over the last three years of high school I thought it was all about making friends and having fun. Since I have had a falling out with most of my friends I have realized school is for learning and nothing else. I'm totally okay with that because all friends are is drama. Most people in high school are two faced anyway so i'm over it. I just wanna enjoy my last year and get into college where people are more mature and not so dramatic.

Opening Up

I have recently come to realize that for some reason lately I have not been able to open up as much as I use to. Just to clarify, I personally hate opening up but sometimes you just need to do it for the sake of all of the people around you. If your holding things in then it builds up tension in you that you then take out on everyone around you. I have experienced this and it makes me feel really bad because I hate treating people bad especially when they havent done anything to you. I majorly need to work on this.

.Change.

One thing that everyone goes through is change. I personally hate it. It come at the worst time like when you finally get use to something or you start like something it changes. Its really hard to adjust to for me. Sometimes I just wish life could stand still and stay the way it is forever. Like the people and everything would stay and never go and I could stay a senior in high school forever because it seems like its going to be the best year of school I will ever have. Sometimes change will sneak up on and your just completely confused and lost. It sucks.

Dream Relationship

I hate sitting around watching T.V. and admiring all of the relationships I see and just hoping I end up in one like the ones I see. I just want to get that feeling and just know its right. It probably wont happen for a long time but I'm just excited about the prospect of it happening. I'm not trying to be super sappy about this either.

Diaries..etc

I was reading back through some of my really old diaries and I was thinking how ridiculous I was for the things I wrote. It was crazy. I like reading back through stuff I've written cause it shows how much life has changed and the people in my life have changed. For example, I had wrote all this stuff about this one guy I had really liked and now we are best friends. I just like seeing how things have changed and evolved and i'm ready to get to the next part of my life which will hopefully be the best part.

                                                                                                   

Video on Youtube

So I have this problem where I watch youtube videos way to much. So I was watching one the other day and this girl was talking about how she has fears and phobias but she wont talk about them or tell anyone because it would scare it. Which was funny to me for many reasons. Moving on, so I sat and thought how weird my fears and phobias are and how if I made a video about it and put it on youtube for people to see they would think I was weird on so many levels. Its not everyday that you hear someone is afraid of deer like the animal and mannequins. When I say mannequins i'm referring to the ones you see in like Victoria's Secret that have the faces. They freak me out like know other.